{"id":116,"date":"2016-08-13T17:04:48","date_gmt":"2016-08-13T15:04:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/?p=116"},"modified":"2016-08-13T18:55:16","modified_gmt":"2016-08-13T16:55:16","slug":"when-denial-is-no-longer-an-option","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/?p=116","title":{"rendered":"When denial is no longer an option."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>After the death \u00a0of a dearly beloved \u00a0your sadness seems endless and I&#8217;m not implying that there is going be an end to the sadness but strangely enough, you do get used to living with grief. Mourning, in time, becomes a second nature, \u00a0it certainly takes over your life and redirects your path into a different destiny.<\/p>\n<p>While I watched my old word \u00a0fall apart I couldn&#8217;t help thinking why\u00a0did this happen to me?<\/p>\n<p>But why should it not? \u00a0I&#8217;m well aware that in time something similar will happen to all of us, for \u00a0death, although beyond our comprehension, may be our\u00a0only certainty, so why \u00a0is it that hard to accept? \u00a0How come?\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/image16.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-105\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/image16-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"image\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/image16-300x200.jpg 300w, http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/image16.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>In my head I have re-lived \u00a0 his last days over and over again. Was there anything he or I could have done \u00a0to prevent his death from happening?<\/p>\n<p>In other words; was there someone to blame? \u00a0Why do we have this need to make somebody responsible \u00a0when something bad occurres but just call it luck when what happens is good.<\/p>\n<p>But no matter what, he will not return, this acceptance of him not coming back took me a long time. The knowledge that there was nothing \u00a0that I could do made me feel small and insignificant.<\/p>\n<p>It forced me to remember how fragile \u00a0life is.<\/p>\n<p>I must have entered a state of shock, following \u00a0my husband&#8217;s sudden death, for I experienced \u00a0no feelings, there were no tears, and I was completely unable to react to this enormous sense of pain and abandonment \u00a0that had taken me by surprise.<\/p>\n<p>True, I&#8217;ve never been great at expressing my feelings, but this was so final and abrupt that my whole being was \u00a0paralysed by it.\u00a0It wasn&#8217;t until weeks later that I finally broke down and started crying.<\/p>\n<p>Once the denial was no longer an option and the bargaining had failed completely.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After the death \u00a0of a dearly beloved \u00a0your sadness seems endless and I&#8217;m not implying that there is going be an end to the sadness but strangely enough, you do get used to living with grief. Mourning, in time, becomes a second nature, \u00a0it certainly takes over your life and redirects your path into a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=116"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":128,"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions\/128"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.fleurhols.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}